Monday, January 26, 2009

My husband doesn't like that.

i went out yesterday with a married friend. we went shopping at the mall and over the course of our conversations, in and out of the many stores, she said at least 3 times "i can't wear that. my husband said i shouldn't." we saw cute open toe shoes in one store and she said her husband doesn't like the way open toe shoes look with tights. her husband doesn't like it when she wears wedges either. he doesn't think it's tzniyusdik. my question is: is it supposed to be like that- where she can't wear what she may like because her husband says no or because he doesn't like it. where's the balance? i know of course if you love somebody then you care about their opinion and you wear things that they like to see you in but really... let's say i really like belts and my husband doesn't. does that mean i can't or shouldn't wear them anymore?

10 comments:

badforshidduchim said...

It's ok if you don't mind...

I mean, if my husband tried dictating my wardrobe I'd be like 'excuse me... you saw how I dressed and you married me!' But then again, you have to give in for reasonable things. Marriage is about compromise. Open-toed shoes are not the end of the world. I've seen marriages where the husband tried getting the wife to give up bigger things, like med school, and it didn't work out too well...

It's also possible that she's just giving an excuse.

EsPes said...

its different if he says she shouldnt wear it because he just doesnt like it or its for tznius reasons...
if my hubby just doesnt like belts or wtvr, too bad for him- im wearing what i want!
but if he says that he doesnt think something is tznius, then id probably listen to him with that, unless i felt strongly that it was tznius.

Heshy said...

My husband always hates when I wear a yarmulke and not a baseball hat...oh wait I'm a guy - never mind.

Men who constantly dictate the way their wives dress have something wrong with them.

nmf #7 said...

It's not a 'constant dictation thing'- it's more like- she probably came home with such shoes and asked him what he thought (hoping for a compliment).

He then said, well, I don't really care for them/I think they are too flashy/something like that.
That was not a "don't ever wear such a thing ever again...".

So, she promptly went and returned them (as a good wife should, because why would you wear something your husband didn't give his full hearted approval on).

And from now on, whenever she sees such shoes, she is reminded of the incident, and translates it as "My husband doesn't let."

Or it could be like B4S- an excuse. Husbands are useful for those.
Usually- husband couldn't care less, unless it is untznius, or just really really ugly.

Oh- and regarding the untznius- the guys really do have a better sense of that than women. Really, they do. What may seem fine to us is often not fine for them.

Sorry for long comment- I've had this happen to me and others before. In fact, Reb. Shain says she once came home with something that didn't meet her husband's enthusastic approval- so she took it right back. It happens to everyone.

Mikeinmidwood said...

If the husband is real yeshivish then of course he wont want his wife wearing (gd forbid) sandals.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

NMF#7: That's Reb Ruchama Shain?

My love is her great nephew!

and I agree with your comment.

nmf #7 said...

Jewish Side- yep, Reb. Ruchama Shain. She writes it in her book All for the Best.
My Love is lucky to have such a special aunt!

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

right I once read one of her books, I thought it was called "all for the boss"?

very cool!

nmf #7 said...

Jewish Side: Her most famous book is All for the Boss, about her father, R' Yaakov Yosef Herman.
She has many others as well- All for the Best is one of them.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

ahh I see, I didn't know that.

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