Monday, December 29, 2008

There's a time for simcha and there's a time for sadness.
But what happens when the two are required on the very same night?

while getting ready to go to the wedding of a friend, i got the news that my friend's brother-in-law was tragically killed in a car accident. i was shocked. still am shocked. how is such a thing possible? the sweetest guy ever, always smiling, such a nice person with such fine middos. now gone. and it's so hard to think about his wife, whom i know, who must be falling apart on the news of this horrible tragedy.
then i had to go to the wedding. how can i go to a wedding and be happy when i know some people are in so much pain?? let me tell you- it was so hard. it took a while just to get into the simcha at the wedding because how can you go from one thing to the other?? it's almost inhuman.

what i hate most about all this is the helplessness. what can i do? i can be there for my friend but how can i really know and understand what she's going thru??


itsagift said...

It is very hard to try to be in two places at once, especially when you have two different emotions inside you. On one hand, you feel soo sad about this tremendous loss and on the other hand, you have to be happy and smiling when you go to the wedding.
I heard this thought from someone when I was in a similar situation. Everything in life is a test. Of course, certain tests are harder than others. When a person is experiencing two conflicting emotions at once, this is a test in their emunah. We say this every day in Shema. When we say, "Hashem Echad," we are in essence saying that Hashem is ONE and all situations and emotions He puts us through come from Him. It's so hard to understand how we can feel two different things at the same time! But this is what it means!! Hashem, you are ONE and everything that happens in this world is from YOU! All things that are good and all things that are hard (not bad because we don't understand how everything Hashem does is ultimately for the good) come from the same One - Hashem!! He is the One who puts us through situations that are sometimes VERY challenging and He is also the One who gives us times of joy and happiness!!
This is a very hard thing for you and I feel with you - I have been through this very similar experience and struggled with these emotions more than once. It is a real hard test - but it's there to strengthen your emunah in Hashem Echad - everything that happens is from Him and He loves you more than you can ever imagine!
Even if we don't understand and it seems soooo painful, Hashem is there holding your hand and walking there with you!!
May you have the strength you need to go through this difficult time!!!
May you be able to be there for your friend and offer her words of comfort!
(And one rule - if you don't know what to say to your friend, don't say anything. Just listen to her and be there for her and let her speak.)

tembow said...

thank you so much

itsagift said...

There's muchhh more to say (surprisingly!) so if you want you can send me an email.

tembow said...

i just emailed you

The Babysitter said...

I know what you mean. When I was by a wedding, the topic of a previous HS teacher came up, so I asked what the story was with her, if she got better from Yena Machla, then a friend said she was niftar. I was so shocked, I hadn't known that, and it was already a few months. Kinda ruined the spirit of the wedding.

Itsagift: that was great. I never thought of that.

itsagift said...

Thanks babysitter - I wasn't the one who thought of it either! It was what someone said to me when I was in a similar situation & was dealing with conflicting emotions.

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