Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dating in Israel

my friend suggested that my mom look into boys learning in israel so that when im in israel in january i can go out there.  im a little hesitant about that. there are pros and cons:

it might be nice to have a different type of atmosphere, different places to go, to see things together, etc. but then again, its israel, and my parents won't be able to meet him and let's say it does go past one, two, three dates, and then its time for me to go home. what happens then? he comes to America? I dont know. Its such a new concept to me- I don't know if i'd be more nervous to date from someone else's house or less nervous....

we'll have to see if anything is even shayach or if anyone says "yes" before i get there.


Mama said...

Hi, I'm a mother with three children in shdduchim, 2 girls and a boy...I've been reading your blog, and I wouldn't let you near my son, not that you're a "bad" person, but you are clueless. You have no idea what you want, what you're looking for. Lady, you don't know where you're headed.

You don't give people a chance, you talk too much, and judge too fast. Stop talking to your friends, and start talking to your parents or a teacher to guide you; then start dating, because marriage is not the magic cure, yes it's beautiful but there's a lot of work involved, and if your casting people off because their too quiet, not your "type" or whatever then you're going no where fast.

Much Hatzlocha.

nameless, faceless said...

I think Mama has a good point, even if it was delivered in a fairly combative way.

I'm young, too. Not as young as you are, but humour me here (I'm scared to get old :) ): It's weird to think that all your friends are at the shidduch stage, so you just assume that's what you should be doing too except everyone is different. Everyone has to learn at their own pace and unfortunately, it's that personal acceptance that your pace may be a little slower than your best friend's that is so hard for people. Dating girls, especially.

I think Mama - and lots of other people - are urging you to take a quiet timeout. Talk to a teacher you trust, maybe a rebbetzin you feel comfortable with, whatever. It's kind of like driving a car: a rite of passage with lots of peer pressure, but approaching the situation full-tilt/empty-mind is a huge hazard for you and the other people on the road. Hopefully, the people that you talk to will hit on things like "patience", "kindness", "empathy", "discernment"....

Don't worry about finding a match - I think Hashem makes sure your match finds you. In the meantime, it's your job to be the fulfillment of His intentions for you. So get to it :)

EsPes said...

wow mama was a bit harsh!
think about why ur going to israel... realize that if u do decide to date in israel, it will change the mood of the trip. ur focus wont be touring, visiting, and shopping- it will now be all about dating.

also- most guys that are in israel dating want to live there--- u want to live in israel?

im from out of town, so i go to NY a lot to date- my parents have only met 1 guy ive gone out with! i always date from other ppls houses... its really no big deal!
(but then again, im not as "yeshivish" as u... so maybe its different for u)

"let's say it does go past one, two, three dates, and then its time for me to go home. what happens then?"
defintely something to think about- the shadchan should discuss this with u and the guy before u start dating... so that everyone is on the same page and no one gets upset!

tembow said...

"but then again i'm not as yeshivish as you"

it's so funny that people think they know me well from my blog (and EsPes i love you and am totally not insulting you in any way, shape, or form) but to tell me to take a break from dating or comment that i am "clueless about dating" and "don't know where [i'm] headed" is ridiculous because you know what- this blog is not ME. i mean i wrote it but it does not encapsulate me at all, esp since i've only been writing on it for less than a month! if you met me on the street you wouldn't know this blog was me. because there's so much more to me than this. please don't judge me and my readiness to get married based on this blog. just like i wouldn't judge you, mama, and say i would never go out with your son after seeing you write a post as harsh as yours is.

EsPes said...

getting feisty here arent we lol

sorry for making assumptions, but guys in israel are learning boys... which led me to believe that u want a guy thats still learning... which brought me to the conclusion that ur more "yeshivish" than me (cuz i want a working guy)

tembow said...

just wanted to get that out... wasn't quite sure how to respond to Mama's post. wtvr

yeah, i'm looking for a learning boy. does that make me more "yeshivish"? i don't know. i have plenty of friends who are yeshivish and want a boy in college or half day learning.

The Babysitter said...

Tembow: I'm reading all this backwards, so I have nothing to judge on but the few posts I saw that come later than this. I wouldn't have ever imagined seeing a "Mama comment" like that about you.

But like Espes said, you have to think about if you would want to live in Israel.

I would imagine it's hard to date in another country. I know that I wouldn't be up to it.

How do you dream?

Which do you prefer?

What would you rather?

What's your favorite method of keeping in touch with friends?

Are you going to watch the Super Bowl today- and why?