Monday, December 22, 2008

Can't go into the details but...

You can't believe everything you hear.
Our parents have told us that millions of times. But do we really listen? We should. 

My friend almost had a shidduch pulled out from under her feet because of some sick rumors about the boy.  I can't go into any details but because of some person who decided that somehow the situation justified exaggeration or making up some "facts", she almost did not go out with this guy again even tho she really liked him.

you have to be so careful with things you say, especially when it comes to shidduchim. but in all areas as well. with shidduchim, people can say nasty things just because they don't like your parents, the school you went to, or because they're just plain jealous. make sure to get sources for everything you hear and don't believe something until it has been absolutely proven! it's not fair to either side. it wasn't fair to my friend. it wasn't fair to the boy. 

we're dealing with people's lives here.

i remember a few years ago, d'rav meir put on a play that was publicized by CCHF because it was about a girl who said lashon hara about another girl and it RUINED HER LIFE. i don't remember the story but it was really powerful.


The Babysitter said...

Yea, people have to learn the Halachos of Loshon Hora when it comes to shidduchim. We actually had a class on this in sem.

It's sad that people would want to ruin others lives like that.

nmf #7 said...

The problem that I found sometimes is that people automatically jump to- "It's for shidduchim- it's for toeles (a purpose)" and then proceed to say some things that shouldn't be said by them.
Even if it is for toeles- often times it requires consulting a Rav to find out if YOU should be the one to say the toeles, or say it now, later, or some other time.

Babysitter- I disagree- it's not that they want to ruin other people's lives, but they feel that when it comes to shidduchim and l'toeles- anything goes. And they care about the side they speak to- so they speak honestly, usually.

The Babysitter said...

NMF#7: right, I see what your saying, and I agree with you. Just from the way the post was worded it sounded like they were spreading rumors that weren't true because they just didn't like the person or something.

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